My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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