We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sext me about skeletons
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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