I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize