My nipple is on Facebook.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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