I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
