Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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