i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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