I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
