Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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