Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
