Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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