i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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