we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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