Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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