The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was born a porn star she said
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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