I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why do cheetos always look like penises
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
