I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
