Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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