My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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