weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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