My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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