this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
