I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
