dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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