nut hugger
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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