she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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