He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
