Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
