Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
