ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
