Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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