Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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