On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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