and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize