I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YAS. BRING CRAB.