I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck