Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes