I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
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When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.