Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
