Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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