Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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