I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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