I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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