i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
