Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
