When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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