I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
