We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
