we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
