new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
