Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
