we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
