i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
