Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
