So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
