i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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