Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
