my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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