I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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