Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
