don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
