Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
