Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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