Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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