its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
