ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
