No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
