And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
