I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
