I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
