this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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