I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
