So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
